I want to pick up where I left off many weeks ago: writing about the church – specifically, the church as a new kind of community.
A few weeks ago, however, I realized that I have to begin writing about pornography, again.
Honestly, I don’t want to write about pornography. I wish it (porn, I mean) simply weren’t a “thing.”
But it is a “thing.” It’s a terribly toxic “thing” that I suspect is worse than you know.
Solicitation and Sex-Trafficking in Our Backyard
In our small community, the authorities arrested hundreds of men who were soliciting prostitution in local massage parlors. Many of these “prostitutes” are victims of a sex trafficking network that reaches across the globe.
Reading about this news was like getting sucker-punched in the gut.
As I read the news, I knew that porn lurks behind this type of behavior. There are, no doubt, other factors. But porn is always the common denominator in such behavior.
I’ve also been reminded, in recent days and weeks, of how pervasive porn consumption and addiction is and how much destruction it is causing. It breaks my heart to think that we’ve raised an entire generation on this filth. They are the generation coming of age and asking questions like, “how could you do such a thing?”
Too Many Have Given Up Hope
Many of these young people, raised with unfettered access to pornography, are now finding that they can’t stop viewing porn. Most of them feel trapped. They’ve stopped believing that they can be free. Many have given up hope.
But, you can be free. And you can stay free. And while both of those are true, it’s equally valid that you will always be in a fight for your freedom!
I seldom find men (or people in general) who understand this concept.
Freedom won must be maintained.
Freedom maintained must be protected.
This means that partial efforts and half-hearted measures will never be enough.
So, I am going to start writing about porn, again. This time, I am merely going to relay my journey of freedom. I am not coming at this from a clinical perspective. Instead, I am coming at this from a survivor’s perspective. However, it’s more than just a survivor’s perspective – it’s the perspective of someone who has learned to thrive.
It’s A Long, Steady Walk
And, though I thrive today, I’ve never once stopped fighting to maintain and protect the freedom I enjoy. I am going to show you a pathway that will help you name some things you are encountering and identify some traps/triggers you keep missing. Naming and identifying traps and triggers are essential – essential – if you are going to maintain and protect your freedom!
The journey out of porn is a long one and it’s one that’s filled with “I just want to give up” moments.
So, let me first speak to the man (or woman) who has finally decided that enough is enough. You’ve decided to stop viewing porn. Now that you’ve made that decision, you’re finding it’s not as simple as just saying “no.”
For you, the one who is ready to quit but who is also finding how difficult stopping is, I offer you the following handles. These are handles I’ve come to rely on and trust in over the years!
1. Get Plugged into an Intentional Sex/Porn Recovery Community
You are going to need a community of people who can be there for you in a moment’s notice. A community that consistently meets with you to encourage and hold you accountable. You are going to need to find people who understand and have struggled with sexual compulsion and addiction.
Many people never take this step because of what it implies. When you tell someone you’re meeting with a group of people to help you battle your sex-addiction, then you risk getting those ‘shock and awe’ looks from the superficial world of acquaintances you’ve gathered around yourself. If you’re more concerned with your image than your health, then you’ll never, ever be free, whole, or restored!
I’ll explore the following ‘handles’ more in coming posts, but here is a preview:
2. Know this: You are now embarking on a journey that you’ll be on the rest of your life
The program that gets rid of porn simply doesn’t exist. While some are very good (and I will recommend a handful for you), none of them will get rid of porn. You are now in an ongoing process that requires the support of good, solid programs, but also much more.
3. Confession is Crucial
I am not talking about a mealy-mouthed, image-conscious, half-hearted apology. No. Full and complete confession is the only hope you have. I will help you with this one in coming posts
4. Visual Detox is a MAJOR Part of the First Few Years
This is vital and I will address it in depth later, but you need to know that your brain will be purging for a long, long, time. It’s not a sign that you’re still stuck, but an indication that you’ve begun to break free of the cycle you were in for so very long.
5. You WILL Experience Relapse and Set-backs
This is another fundamental reality to understand. Fighting for your freedom means that you will not win all the battles. The point is that you’ve won the war – the one for your freedom. Don’t let setbacks trip you up into thinking something that’s not true of you. I will do my best to help you understand the nature of setbacks and how they can be used to propel you into a wonderful new season of victory. If you are a part of a church or faith community, then this is one of the things no one around you understands. Sadly, their lack of understanding can have some profoundly negative effects.
6. You Need to Educate Yourself on the Neurological Realities You Now Face
That’s enough for now.
Even if you’re not struggling porn, I promise you this: someone you love is struggling with porn. Of that, I have no doubt. Perhaps you’ll want to bookmark these posts and keep them handy.
They may serve as the only life-line someone has or is willing to grab.
Disrupting to Renew!
