Can I Be Clean Without a Full Confession?

When considering addiction, particularly porn, I don’t believe you can ever be free unless you fully confess!

Therefore, I often tell men who come to me for help that the most crucial step in your recovery and restoration process is the step of confession.

There is simply no way you will ever be whole if you don’t fully confess.

I don’t care what the addiction or compulsion is:

  • Porn or sexual addiction.
  • Alcohol.
  • Anger (yes, that can be an addiction).
  • The internet or social media.
  • Recreational or prescription drugs.
  • Work, success, reputation.
  • Nicotine
  • Gambling

To name only a few.

And, while I am a person of faith, this step has little to do with one’s faith conviction.  It does not matter if you have no faith, a deep faith, or are anti-faith!  Confession is part and parcel of what it means to be human and to be in relationship with others.

That’s why I never tasted freedom, or could even begin the journey into freedom, until I got the place where I was willing to fully confess my compulsion (sin, addiction) in several different ways.

So, if you want to be free and have the courage to live into freedom, read on for some things I’ve done, and continue to do, to live into freedom!

Continue reading “Can I Be Clean Without a Full Confession?”

Why I Can’t Stop Writing About Porn and How I Hope to Help You Break Free!

I want to pick up where I left off many weeks ago: writing about the church – specifically, the church as a new kind of community.

A few weeks ago, however, I realized that I have to begin writing about pornography, again.

Honestly, I don’t want to write about pornography.  I wish it (porn, I mean) simply weren’t a “thing.”

But it is a “thing.”  It’s a terribly toxic “thing” that I suspect is worse than you know.

Solicitation and Sex-Trafficking in Our Backyard

In our small community, the authorities arrested hundreds of men who were soliciting prostitution in local massage parlors.  Many of these “prostitutes” are victims of a sex trafficking network that reaches across the globe.

Reading about this news was like getting sucker-punched in the gut.

As I read the news, I knew that porn lurks behind this type of behavior.  There are, no doubt, other factors.  But porn is always the common denominator in such behavior.

I’ve also been reminded, in recent days and weeks, of how pervasive porn consumption and addiction is and how much destruction it is causing.  It breaks my heart to think that we’ve raised an entire generation on this filth.  They are the generation coming of age and asking questions like, “how could you do such a thing?”

Continue reading “Why I Can’t Stop Writing About Porn and How I Hope to Help You Break Free!”

A Dozen (or so) Alarming Trends Directly Related to Porn Addiction, Pt. 4

A Dozen (or so) Alarming Trends Directly Related to Porn Addiction, Pt. 4

As I reflect on my past of porn consumption/addiction, I cannot recall one moment of mutual consent.

In fact, the experience of viewing pornography is discordant on every level. While enticing one with passion, delight, and satisfaction, pornography is cloaked in power, domination, and self-absorption.

In short order, it’s all about consumption. The consumer both consumes and is consumed!

Porn consumption (a.k.a, viewing) ignites an insatiable urge to, first visually and then physically, consume the flesh of another. Once we give in to this desire, we are sacrificed on the altar of power, control, and self-inflicted slavery.

I often utilize Zombies as a metaphor for the personal (and ultimately societal) enslavement that porn addiction causes.  I do so because a common characteristic of Zombies is the insatiable desire to consume another human being, becoming less human with each bite!

Becoming less human is what precisely happens in the heart and mind of someone who is consistently viewing or is addicted to pornography.

Continue reading “A Dozen (or so) Alarming Trends Directly Related to Porn Addiction, Pt. 4”

A Dozen (or so) Alarming Trends Directly Related to Porn Consumption.

If statistics related to porn consumption are correct, then it’s safe to assume that close to eight out of ten men view porn on a consistent basis.

If they are, as some believe, inflated, then it’s still safe to assume that somewhere between six out of ten men view porn consistently.

By consistent, I mean an average of several times a month.

Just. Can’t. Stop.

That’s a pretty conservative estimation.  Admittedly, stats on viewing are difficult to determine, since viewing habits are secretly kept and rarely shared.  As one who has viewed porn regularly, I know that viewing once leads to viewing twice.

This, in turn, leads to viewing more and more often.

Further, we are finding that our young men, ages 8 – 18, are viewing porn at an alarming rate.

As Lay’s Potato Chip’s marketing campaign once popularized the saying, “Bet you can’t eat just one,” I’d say that it’s similarly true of porn to say that “Bet you can’t view just once.”

Continue reading “A Dozen (or so) Alarming Trends Directly Related to Porn Consumption.”

One Ounce of Prevention . . . Kids and Porn

“One ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

This axiom, credited to Benjamin Franklin, is as true today as it was then.  Especially if you want to help your kids steer clear of pornography.

This quick post is designed to do that very thing: help you help your kids steer clear of pornography.

I am a father of three teenagers.  I am a man who has won hard-fought freedom from porn’s grip.  This ‘ounce’ of prevention is designed to give you some handles so that you can do the rest!

Take it seriously! Porn is an epidemic that targets the youngest of our community.

Here are three simple suggestions that may give you a place to start:

Daily check-ins!

Spend a few minutes everyday in download mode with your kids.  I’d suggest around dinner, or just before bed time.  You, however, know your child (or children) best.  Take advantage of the moments you have.  Simply ask them how their day went.

Let them know you care about them.

Encourage open lines of communication.  If they have seen or have been viewing porn, then they are likely hiding it from you.  This produces shame and guilt, which will potentially lead them view porn again.  You can minimize this cycle with a daily check in.

Delight in them!

I know, it sounds weird.  But if your child (or children) know that you take delight in them, then they will learn to take delight in themselves.  Kids, more than ever, need to know that parental and familial wells of love run deep!

Notice them.

Discover the things they love or those activities and endeavors in which they excel.  Pay attention to their hobbies.  Then affirm them!

Again and again and again.

I have encountered hundreds of children and teenagers who have been tricked into porn because they didn’t feel well-loved in their home, by mom or dad. I’ve always believed that a well-loved soul cultivates a life that’s well-lived!

So, take delight in your kids.

That means some of us will have to stop delighting so much in ourselves.

Demonstrate Grace!

The day will come when you will discover that your child (children) has stumbled into porn, so to speak.  I promise you that they can stumble into it without ever trying to find it. Porn targets our children.  That’s why social apps ought to be under the highest parental scrutiny.  So, when that day comes, handle it with grace. Show love and extend mercy.

Yes, you’ll need to put in boundaries.  Yes, you’ll need to take restrictive measures.

But, before you begin dealing in the ‘whats and hows,’ you’ll need to fish out the ‘whys.’  All too often we overreact and push our children further from us.  The road of consequences is best paved with the gravel of grace!

Take a minute.

Step back.

Treat your children like you wish your father had treated you.  I’ve learned this lesson the hard way!  I try to treat my children like my heavenly Father treats me.  I love the way James Bryan Smith puts it in his book, The Good and Beautiful God, when he says, “The way God is Father to me teaches me how to be a good Father to my children.”  Amen.

There you go.  Just one ounce will go a long way!  If you need some help, please reach out to me.  It’s a journey we are all on, its time we wake up and realize it!

Disrupting to Renew!
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