During the early days of my journey out of porn addiction, I remember a time when I had been porn-free for about 90 days (yes, I numbered freedom by days, not months). It was, at that time, the longest I had ever gone without clicking a website, watching a video, or trying to get porn in any form I could.
Then one day I crashed, badly. All the signs were there; I just didn’t see them. Either that or I simply refused to take note of them.
The triggers were:
- Fatigue. I was tired: worn out from a busy season of life and ministry.
- Isolation. I was alone, even in the company of others.
- Boredom. I was restless, unfulfilled, desperately seeking something no human could ever really provide.
After the relapse, or the one bad moment, I suffered a host of unmanageable and debilitating emotions.
I was angry.
I was embarrassed.
I was sad.
I was miserable.
All the purity I had enjoyed?
Gone.
In one bad moment, with one click of a mouse and one surf on the web, months of purity were flushed down the drain.
If you’ve ever battled pornography addiction, then you can probably relate to my experience. You’ve made it a day, a week, a month or more without feeding the addiction. Then, one day, you stumble.
You fall.
You crash.
The question I want to ask, and I think it’s an important one for us, is this:
Does one bad moment make me a monster?