Moments of Awakening: Moment #2, “Melissa has Lymphoma”

Melissa and I have never communicated this portion of our journey with anyone until now.

Even as I typed this post, tears gathered in my eyes.  Reminding me of the potency of this moment; a moment draped in meaning.

Monday, March 12th 2007, the day before my 38th birthday.

I remember this day as if it were yesterday.  I was awaiting a phone call. My whole family was awaiting a phone call.  You might suspect the call was one of birthday wishes.  Not this time.  Rather, were awaiting a call from Melissa’s ENT specialist.  He had received news from UNC regarding her recent biopsy.

We waited all day for this one phone call.  I do not remember what I did during the day.  All I remember is waiting.

Waiting . . .

Waiting . . .

The phone must have rung dozens of time that day. With each ring, my heart skipped a beat. None of those calls were the call.  Finally, just before 5:00 p.m. our phone rang. This ring was different, somehow. I knew it was the call I had feared. I spied the caller ID hoping for a friend or family member. Alas, it was the ENT.

Though my mind told my hand to resist, my body won the duel.  Before I knew it, I had the receiver pressed firmly to my ear.

“Hello,” I said.

“Mr. Gainey?”

“Yes.”

“Mr. Gainey, please hold for the Doctor.”

“Yes, I’ll hold.”

“Mr. Gainey, this is Doctor Spector. I have the results from UNC. As I suspected, the test indicates that Melissa has Follicular Lymphoma, Stage 3. I have scheduled an appointment for Friday afternoon with an Oncologist through the Florida Cancer Institute. I am sorry to bring this news, but you need to know that her cancer is beatable and her chances of survival and living a long life are quite good. She is both young and strong. I will put my nurse back on the line.”

“Thanks, Dr. Spector. Goodbye”

Somehow, during the course of the phone call, I had made my way to our laundry room. I shut the door and cried. I didn’t ‘ball like a baby’ (that was to come) because I knew I needed to speak with my dear bride.  I began to exit the laundry room as she entered the hallway. Her face told me that she knew the results before I uttered a word.

Words are crucial; they serve as our closest connection to reality. So my mouth put words to that which my eyes had already communicated: “The tests are positive, darling, you have lymphoma. We have an appointment this Friday to proceed with treatment.”

In* that moment, we cried.  We cried painfully, tenderly and wonderfully together!

The next few days are a bit murky. I remember well our Friday afternoon appointment with our oncologist, who was the first clear sign of God’s goodness and grace. More on that later!  For now I simply hope to present three moments of awakening that will help frame my current emphasis on Spiritual Formation.

3 moments of awakening that have lead me into this journey of Spiritual Formation:

1. Moment #1: My journey out of porn addition into my truest, most deeply human self (you can read this brief story (in a previous post) by clicking the following link, http://disruptusrenovatus.wordpress.com/2014/11/04/a-grime-ridden-grace-filled-moment-a-personal-story-of-transformation/).
2. Moment #2: The discovery of Melissa’s cancer, which exposed both great and glaring weakness and established both wonderful and grace filled strengths (the focus of this post).
3. Moment #3: An evening at the grill: an evening to change all others. It is the catalyst behind the previous five and – with hope – the next twenty-five years of my life.

Disrupting to Restore!

Biz

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*Perhaps ‘at’ is a better choice of prepositions.  It is important, however, to note how I use the meaning of ‘in’ when speaking of experiences and moments that offer life.  Though our conversation took place ‘at’ a certain time and place, Melissa and I were ‘in’ the moment.  It was as if the moment opened wide before us and swallowed us whole.